When you are going through a difficult time, it can sometimes help to hear about the journey of others who have been in a similar position and Natalia Kensington has kindly offered to share her story with us.

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Natalia is an infertility coach. Having been through infertility herself, she has first-hand experience of being unable to conceive naturally and of going through IVF treatment to become a mum. She’s now on a mission to empower and support other women, through their unique journeys with infertility and in preparing them for pregnancy and motherhood.

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Trying to conceive

For 17 years I went to great length to AVOID getting pregnant, then, when the time felt right for me to start a family, I was unable to conceive. 

I tried to push away the fear that something was wrong, trying not to be angered by the constant advice from well-meaning people to ‘just relax’ and ‘enjoy trying’ – they clearly had no idea of what I was going through! After months and years of trying for a baby, your sex life becomes all about schedules and timing, rather than intimacy and enjoyment.

Surrounded by others who were falling pregnant, giving birth and immersing themselves in family life, my own life felt on hold, waiting for a positive pregnancy test result that didn’t come. 

Month after month, all I saw was failure, through the little window of hundreds of pregnancy tests. I tried countless fertility boosting practices, each month feeling hopeful and then ultimately disappointed. 

I questioned my self-worth and my past (having experienced sexual abuse and years of an eating disorder) and though people told me to just enjoy the freedom of being childless while it lasted, I knew they just didn’t understand.

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Starting my IVF journey

Starting IVF gave me renewed hope and, with instructions and a process to follow, some sense of control. However, the forced hormones and medical invasion were triggering for me, especially with my past experiences of sexual assault and domestic violence. This led to depression and a feeling of disconnection with my own body. I knew that I needed support to deal with my feelings around my infertility and treatment and the connection with my past traumas.

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Real Life IVF Stories and journey

Working through the pain of infertility

I reached out for infertility support in online support groups and found a safe place to breathe, alongside other women who ‘got it.’ Yet even here I struggled, as there was a leaning towards the need for positivity and I needed more support to acknowledge my anger and pain.

I took time off work and I journaled, a lot! I bought baby clothes and hid them in a drawer, tried therapy and saw a psychiatrist. Then, one day, on a gut feeling, I began training as a coach. It was there that I found what I’d been missing. It was through the freeing validation of coaching that I found the thread of ease that enabled me to slowly shift towards a place of ‘I can reframe this as a choice, I can commit to the belief that I will be OK.’

I believe that pain is not a fixed state and that every woman experiencing infertility can move through their grief to a place of embodied healing. I learned how to acknowledge my feelings and honour them, so that I could move on. 

Beyond the positive pregnancy test

I was one of the lucky ones, as my journey of infertility and IVF led to a positive pregnancy test.  Yet I struggled through pregnancy and the postpartum period. During my pregnancy, I was still suffering from the effects of exhaustion, the excess hormones and the unprocessed grief, I was afraid of losing my baby and then struggled as a new mum. I firmly believe that women should be offered more emotional support prior to and during IVF, pregnancy and postpartum, as there is so much to process and deal with.   

With the right support, IVF can bring a much-longed-for baby into people’s lives and be the start of a wonderful journey of parenthood and family life. 

Infertility and motherhood have given me a strength I could never have imagined. I have learned how to reconnect with my emotions, my body, my pain, my innate feminine wisdom, my intuition, my spirit, my cycle and my desire to support others.

               

Everyone’s story is different and while you are on your own, personal infertility journey, being prepared emotionally, mentally and physically can help to make your journey easier. Counselling is available and may be recommended by your fertility specialist or GP. There is also a wide range of support groups available for people experiencing infertility and going through fertility treatment. 

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Find out more about Natalia and how she supports women through difficult infertility journeys. Here at The IVF Network, we provide a range of information and support, through our dedicated channel of fertility experts, our website and our blog posts, to help you to make informed choices.